I am the Granddaughter of, the Daughter of, the Ex-wife of, and the Mother of, someone with a drinking problem.
Two of these loved ones have died (one in a car accident). I'm divorced from the father of our four children. One has been through treatment but is still in denial. Three have been arrested for drunk driving.
I was influenced by the use of alcohol since birth. My Grandpa, my Mother's Dad, owned a country bar. It had living quarters with it. Going to Grandma's meant going to the bar. My Dad went into the bar business when I was about eight. This second tavern in the family would be on the Main Street of our small town.
I have the same chemical imbalance, compulsive behaviors, mental and emotional problems as my family members. I did not cross the line into alcoholic drinking. My assessment came back "Alcohol Abuser". I am not addicted to alcohol. I am addicted to alcoholics. I have the family disease. I think I can help them, change them, love them, bully them, manipulate them, or pray them into sobriety.
I'm in a twelve-step program because I failed. I could not shed enough tears to change someone else.
I did find out there were some things I could change though. I could face my anxiety, anger, guilt, shyness, submissiveness, resentment, and self-pity. I could learn to deal with repetitive situations in new ways with the help of my Higher Power and the beautiful strangers in a basement room, sitting around a table. I listened to these people share about themselves and I learned about myself. I was no longer alone. I felt love, compassion, hope, joy, and understanding that I found in no other place.
I am grateful for the alcoholism in my life. It brought me to a better place. I did not get what I wanted. I got something better.
Two of these loved ones have died (one in a car accident). I'm divorced from the father of our four children. One has been through treatment but is still in denial. Three have been arrested for drunk driving.
I was influenced by the use of alcohol since birth. My Grandpa, my Mother's Dad, owned a country bar. It had living quarters with it. Going to Grandma's meant going to the bar. My Dad went into the bar business when I was about eight. This second tavern in the family would be on the Main Street of our small town.
I have the same chemical imbalance, compulsive behaviors, mental and emotional problems as my family members. I did not cross the line into alcoholic drinking. My assessment came back "Alcohol Abuser". I am not addicted to alcohol. I am addicted to alcoholics. I have the family disease. I think I can help them, change them, love them, bully them, manipulate them, or pray them into sobriety.
I'm in a twelve-step program because I failed. I could not shed enough tears to change someone else.
I did find out there were some things I could change though. I could face my anxiety, anger, guilt, shyness, submissiveness, resentment, and self-pity. I could learn to deal with repetitive situations in new ways with the help of my Higher Power and the beautiful strangers in a basement room, sitting around a table. I listened to these people share about themselves and I learned about myself. I was no longer alone. I felt love, compassion, hope, joy, and understanding that I found in no other place.
I am grateful for the alcoholism in my life. It brought me to a better place. I did not get what I wanted. I got something better.
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