Innocence

I need to find my innocence in order to see yours.

I grew up with guilt and shame. Some of it came from my family. Some of it came from my church.

Even if I was trying my hardest to do it right, I could find a flaw. I would find it in me first. Then I would find it in you.

My perfectionism is in direct proportion to my feeling "imperfect" inside. And so, it became necessary to put on a front. I can do this with clothes, beauty products, even education. I can do it with attitude.

I'll want you to think I'm someone better than I am, smarter than I am, more industrious than I am.

Looking back, it puts a barrier between you and me. I can't get close to you for fear you'll see right through me. I'd have to drop the pretense.

My joy today is that I can reveal my shortcomings. I can rejoice in my human-ness. I can love and forgive myself. I can love and forgive you.

We are all innocent.